the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
