I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
