Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
