My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
