so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
