I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
