I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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