I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
