it was like his penis was on wheels.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
