She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
