Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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