Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
