he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
