Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
