Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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