i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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