Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
