I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize