I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
