Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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