You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
