to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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