maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
