the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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