i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
