Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
