Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
