PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
