Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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