im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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