Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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