We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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