i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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