9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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