Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize