he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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