is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
