every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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