i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
