pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
