One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
