Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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