just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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