dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
