hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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