you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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