Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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