This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
