I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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