God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
