I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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