If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
