I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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