I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
