I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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