I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
