Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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