i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
