Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
