I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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