one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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