My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Come see our sink grown plant.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
