Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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