I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
