I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize