come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
